Angelicwings's Blog

After a fabulous weekend reconnecting with old friends, a recommendation on a new book to read, deeper concepts to digest and new theories to consider, whose head wouldn’t be about to explode?   My close friends and colleagues know I am up beat and prefer to see the glass as half full rather than its alternative. I KNOW who my personal challenges are in life and use them  as a frequent reminder that ALL people deserve love and to see them as my personal mirror in which the universe reflects back to me.  I am happy to report it is paying off once again and it all started with a Dream.

Responsibility Defined?

I have always considered myself a “responsible” person.  I am the oldest of three kids where both parents worked so it always fell on me to watch out for the siblings.  I have always held a steady job and gave my best no matter what my position.  Divorce was even accepted gracefully, I saw it as the opportunity to live life on “my own terms” without the constant barrage of negativity (his or mine) to hold me back.  I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses and I do not use them to make excuses but rather as a guideline to work through existing challenges. 

The Challenge

Currently, one of my most challenging lessons has come to the forefront; my fear of success/failure.  I did not think I needed to understand anymore than that until last month when I got the message, “fear of success/failure is too general, dig deeper.”  It has not been an active pursuit but always churning in the back of my mind, and poking at my brain as relevant situations, thoughts and information arise.  For instance:  why can’t my brother be more personally responsible, why does my friend think her flaws are the responsibility of others to point out, why doesn’t my mom stop enabling my brother’s dependence or harping on my sister to get out of her ”bad” marriage?  Why doesn’t Mom just live her OWN life? 

Then there are the positive affirmations floating and resonating endlessly within the compartments of my mind until they find a home to rest and work their magic:  “I do not need to seek guidance outside of myself to find out what to do.“  Next, Confucius is advising: “I want you to be everything that’s you, deep at the center of your being.”  Then there is the quote by Orison Swett Marden with its melody whispering to me: “The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself.  It is not in your environment, it is not in luck or chance or the help of others; it is in yourself alone.”  Last and most eloquent I have Rumi to remind me “your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” 

The Epiphany

I would like to report I have only been working this out for myself the last few months but the truth is, my awareness of this challenge began February 13, 2007 and it was due to a personally challenging new position as a sales rep.  I needed the job as a financial boost and the opportunities were considerable.  I made significant strides in meeting personal challenges presented by this position and stretched beyond my comfort level for at least eight months.  During the last two years other challenges have been abundant.  I actively started following my spiritual path, was laid off for eight months, experienced a failed whirlwind type of relationship, and then  found myself in and later worked myself out of my most significant depression.  Dispersed between these obstacles, were exhilarating moments of accomplishment which kept me pushing forward.  I began to understand what it meant to genuinely love another on a healthy soul level,  made it another step closer in allowing myself to love Me more wholly, let go of anger and allowed myself and others more forgiveness.   

And suddenly it happened again, the universal thunk on the head.   I cannot say my pride survived fully intact so I definitely knew I was on the right path!  I have wanted to write about personal responsibility since April, but never felt ready.  Now, it is clear why since the larger pieces have fallen into place.  Funny, when your own advice comes back to you as the wake up call.   

I was journaling about my dream and the weekend activities which lead to this particular dream experience, when I found myself writing, “my fear of responsibility,” when I had meant to write, “my fear of failure.”  My next words were an explicative so I will not repeat that here.   There they were, my own words, in my writing, staring back at me.  I finally stumbled upon the clarity needed to fully process this lesson.  And once again, I am not surprised to find it reflecting back at me through so many channels.  

Responsibility REDEFINED

Translating the thoughts listed above in order to make them my own, my biggest complaints seem to be; “why can’t I find someone to take responsibility for me? Why can’t I be more personally responsible for MYSELF?  Why doesn’t ANGELICA live her own life? ”  Although it is not the most pleasant thing to discover about myself,  I am truly excited because I have “dug deeper” and found the root.  Now, I am able to target specific thoughts and continue to change my thinking patterns.  Once again, I have faced my fear and started the push through to the other side!

Congratulations to Me

Why is this all coming to the forefront now and not a couple of months ago or even two years ago??  Because I am READY!  I am truly ready to be a responsible, self-contained and awe-inspiring ME for the first time in my life.  No more mom, dad, or ex-husband to misunderstand, hold my hand or negate my passion.  It’s all me!  I fail, it’s on me.  I succeed, it’s on me.  I even get to pat my back for a job well done.  How liberating, terrifying, exhilarating, intimidating, and healing!   Once again life is redefining.   Better “late” than never, I always say!  Besides, I have always had a knack for doing things a little different. 

Like many things in life, “responsibility” is more than the definition found in Webster’s dictionary.  It is important to ask questions, see different perspectives, seek within and personalize.  Do not limit yourself!

Life is a beautiful thing.  We, as individuals, are ALL beautiful people.  YOU are a beautiful person.  I don’t even have to “know” you to be certain of this basic FACT. 

Unfortunately, the majority of us seem to forget these basics all too easily.  Especially, when it comes to dating and the inherent vulnerability it entails.  What is the quickest way to kill any spark?   Expectations.  Why is this?  It’s alright, sit with yourself for just a moment and try to answer this question.  Next, imagine how your experience would proceed without having placed these expectations on someone. 

The other person sitting across from you is just as uncomfortable as you are.  We all carry insecurities on some level.  The question is, are you going to ALLOW yourself the opportunity to move beyond them AND are you going to allow the other person sitting across from you this same courtesy? 

We like to try and make life complicated but it really is as simple as that. 

This morning, while getting ready for work, I was thinking about what is really important to me when I consider whether a date is successful and whether I would like to go out again.  I stress the statement “important to ME”.  Not to my girlfriends, coworkers, parents or family, but to ME.  Most of us have read some sort of self-help book to gain insight but mostly it involves; have you taken the time to define it for yourself?  If you have; are you sticking to it?  These are the important questions to ask of yourself. 

Perspective

Are you allowing each experience to be an INDIVIDUAL experience; because Man One is not the same as Man Two…or even Three or Four and most especially the one you have built up in your head since you were sixteen!  Are you allowing each experience to unfold before you?  Are you allowing yourself to truly be who you are or are you trying to conform to what you THINK the other person desires?  Are you being true to YOU?  

As you look back to consider whether this was a successful encounter are you basing it on the opinions of others or YOUR list of what YOU desire?  Are you giving yourself the space to truly discover the many qualities in the other person?  Are you trying to base EVERYTHING on a first encounter, date, meeting or phone conversation?   Are you making fair assumptions?  Should you even be assuming?   Why not take what a person says at face value?  Why try to dig for hidden meaning?  Put yourself in the other person’s shoes; would you want THEM making these same assumptions based on limited information, brief encounters and short conversations between you? 

Relax and Enjoy

Relax and bask in the joy!  Whether or not you had a good date or bad date, most important is what did you learn about yourself?  Did you enjoy yourself?  If not, than all you need to be thankful for is that it’s over and you will not have to do it again!  If it was a good date then great!  WHY was it a good date?  Were you relaxed?  Did you respect each other’s personalities, space and time?  Were you able to be YOU?  These are the thoughts to contemplate.   

How is your social network?  Do your close girlfriends let you dwell and spiral into dating madness or do they call you out and aid you in asking thoughtful questions?  If you are not able to reflect honestly and consciously with yourself then make sure you have good back up. 

Affirmations

Here are some excellent affirmations.  Do whatever you need to make them your own J

I want you to be everything that’s you, deep at the center of your being ~Confucius~

I do not need to seek guidance outside of myself to find out what to do.  I AM ~Unknown~

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it ~Rumi~

Aftermath

So, he does not call even though you feel there was a real connection.  It’s OK!  Not everyone is a match for everybody.  Consciously explore why it is you are upset.  Is it primarily ego or pride?  Did you really even want him to call you back or are you just “wounded” because he let go first?  If you look back and see yourself form the other person’s perspective does that allow a clearer picture?  What are your real motives for dating?  Are you ready to date?  If not, that’s OK too! J

Expectations are sneaky!  Before you know it, you have been judge and jury before you have even experienced the complete story.  Even if you are “psychic” you cannot know the whole story without the cooperation of the person you are reading because there is a level of interpretation involved and meant to be an engaging experience.  If you do not know yourself, how can you profess to know another?  If you cannot be truthful with yourself how can you be truthful with another?  In successful and unsuccessful relationships you have experienced, how relevant are the earlier statements?

Development

Most important:  DO NOT OVER THINK.  Women are amazing when it comes to our intuition.  Use it.  Do not take anything personally and remember:  Nobody is perfect.  What I can promise: if you look from multiple perspectives and start asking yourself these questions, you WILL start to live more fully before you even know it.   

I have said it before and I will say it again; self-awareness and consciousness are priceless and humbling.  Please, do not confuse honesty with consciousness and awareness.  You can be honest with everyone you know until the cow jumps over the moon or pigs fly, but are you aware or conscious of yourself and the thoughts that fly through YOUR mind. 

This is a new level of awareness and thought process for someone to implement but it is POSSIBLE!  I know this because I live it, I have the support system and I practice these thoughts everyday and everyday it gets easier.   Do I ever doubt?  Hell yes!  J  I will not tell you its easy, but every day is an honest effort to improve my life and therefore; does he or doesn’t he call can now be a quick recovery and a grateful lesson in life instead of a day spent in angry man bashing and self-limiting thoughts!     

Many Blessings to you all and Good Luck!